|The fruit of an unnatural union between Monsanto CEO Hugh Grant and a laboratory pig|
Michigan Department of Natural Resources
P.O. Box 30028
Lansing, MI 48909
To Whom It May Concern,
It has come to our attention that your agency has ordered pig farmer Mark Baker to destroy his herd of Mangalista heritage pigs. We also understand that you are fining Mr. Baker $700,000 for refusing to kill all of his pigs immediately.
Why the fatwa* on Mr. Baker's pigs? They are guilty of the crime of being natural, normal pigs - not Monsanto (TM) genetically-modified pork-bearing artificial life forms. If one of Mr. Baker's natural, healthy pigs escaped and "porked" one of the neighboring farmer's Monsanto (TM) pseudo-pigs, the bacon they'd be makin' would not be 100% Monsanto (TM) bacon-flavored food substitute. While such an act would admittedly be sordid and disgusting, and would reflect poorly on Mr. Baker's pig's taste in female pigs, executing all of Mr. Baker's pigs to pre-emptively prevent something like this from occurring seems to us to be a gross over-reaction.
And while the insertion of a few natural pig-genes into Monsanto's artificial bacon might pose a problem for Monsanto, which is trying to condition American consumers to accept its brand of 100%-genetically-modified unfood, the slight chance of such pig-on-plastic porking hardly seems adequate grounds for your mandated porcine hecatomb.
As a Muslim, I do not eat pork. And as a sentient, conscious being, I certainly do not eat Monsanto's test-tube-originated genetically-modified ersatz pork product.
But we Muslims believe in freedom. That's why Muslim-ruled lands have been protecting the rights of non-Muslims to eat pork and drink alcohol - which we Muslims believe have been forbidden by God - for 1,400 years.
As a Muslim, I must enjoin good and forbid evil. And one of the worst evils is oppression and tyranny.
Your attack on Mr. Baker's pigs is tyrannical and oppressive.
Dr. Kevin Barrett
Islamic Freedom Forum
* Note: The word "fatwa" has been misconstrued by the media as a "death sentence." In reality, it just means "legal opinion issued by a Muslim scholar." So I am misusing the word here, just for fun.
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The Bakers are asking for help in their struggle against tyranny and oppression:
Ways you can help: 1) July 12: Court at 111 Canal St. Lake City, MI starts at 2 pm, come early! It would be great to fill the 100 seats with supporters! 2) July 13: Celebration of the Farm at Baker’s Green Acres, starting at 10 am, food at 1pm, ending at 9 pm or so. Come for a hog roast fundraiser. A silent auction is planned and we have room for more donations–call 231-825-0293 or e-mail email@example.com. More information here: Court and a Party 3) Join the community of supporters at Pledgie: http://pledgie.com/campaigns/20620 Jill